FUCK!! But no fucking.

"Have you read the e'mail from Fancy Pants?  It's... interesting," he said with a hint of hesitation.

Warily I grabbed my laptop and opened my e'mail.  The note was short and too the point.  "I'm not sure, but I might have scabies.  While there wasn't much personal contact while I was over at your place, I spent a good deal of time lounging on your couch."

My gaze shifted from the spot on the couch my friend had occupied the other day to the words on my computer screen, and back to the spot on my couch.  I reached for my drink, finished it off, and went to bed.

*this is to denote the passage of time*

I woke up itching.  There were little red raised spots near my groin.  They itched.  A lot.  Having never had an STI in my 17 years of sexual activity, I had no idea if what I was experiencing was some sort of rash, or an infection.  So, I went online.

Hrmmm...  scabies... small, red, raised, itchy spots.  They like the folds of skin, elbows, armpits, the groin, the waistline.  They itch.  A lot.  

"FUCK!!!!  Not only do I now have my first STI, but I didn't even get to have fun in getting it," I thought.  "I fucking hope he had a good time getting it.  That better have been some fucking FAN-tastic sex..."

As the day wore on, I tried really hard not to scratch.  But I did.  Quite a bit actually.  At the end of the day, when i got home and finally took off my clothes, I inspected my "spots."  No longer were they little, raised, red, itchy spots.  They had morphed.

"Hrmm....  I don't have scabies.  This is just poison ivy."

Update:  Went to the doctor.  Yes, it's poison ivy.  Don't ask how I got it in that spot...