This weekend didn't quite go as planned. The cause for the derailment of the planned activities can be attributed to:
a) the immaturity of Person A.
b) the whore-ocity of Person B.
c) the lack of communication between Persons A and B about certain expectations.
I shall explain.
Most of you are aware that over the past couple of weeks I had started to get a little serious about a new guy. After a couple of rebound things that never really seemed to truly excite or interest me, hanging around with a couple other people over the past couple of months, and doing some general kind of just looking around, this really cute, sweet guy came into focus. There was only one challenge. He doesn't live in Austin. He lives in San Antonio.
Well, SA is close enough to visit frequently, while being far enough away for me to enjoy some space at the front end of whatever it is that we were trying to do. The past several weeks have been filled with him coming up into Austin for the weekend, us meeting half-way between cities for dinners, and so forth. It's been a fun time getting to know this guy, seeing how we click, and figuring out how things might work out.
Fast-forward to this past Saturday night. New-boy and I, along with my good friend Kevin, were out and about on the town, drinking and generally having a good time. As the night grew later, talks of going home vs after hours began. Kevin, through a series of interesting events, ended up heading back to my place and staying there.
New-boy (NB) and I ended up deciding to go to a after hours party with various people. The way it worked out, he ended up riding with someone else while I dealt with Kevin's "interesting events," after which I met up with NB at the first destination. Once I got there, he confronted me with some news he had just heard.
Basically, some guy I had messed around with a few weeks ago told NB about it. So, NB asked me for confirmation. I confirmed the story, as I don't really have any secrets in my sex life. He was not pleased.
"Why would you do that? Are you a sex addict?"
WTF!?!?!?!?
"Uh..." I hear myself begin. "No. I'm not. I'm a guy. And why did I do it? Cuz I wanted to?"
He stormed away. I had to basically run after him in order to get him to talk to me.
The conversation basically boils down to a couple of talking points.
1) I obviously can't keep my dick in my pants.
2) He never thought about messing around with anyone else once he met me.
3) I apparently didn't reach that conclusion at the same pace that he did.
4) I wasn't completely truthful in detailing what was happening with me when we started seeing eachother.
5) I was seeing/hanging around with a couple of guys when I met NB. All of which have disappeared as NB came to the foreground.
6) Because of #4, I can't be trusted. Ever.
7) Because NB's ex-bf cheated on him, this makes what I did so much worse.
8) I didn't know #7 until about a week ago.
9) Expectations of exclusivity weren't discussed. In fact, I stated early on (actually about the time the incident in question happened) that any type of statement relating to expectations of the other was a bit premature, considering that we had just met.
We finished our time at the after hours party. He seemed to talk to a bunch of people, and when I would come by, it would be obvious that I should go elsewhere. Subtle.
Finally, I said it was time to go home. I didn't know if he wanted to ride with me, but he needed to get back to my house somehow. He rode with me. The ride back home was very quiet. He stated that he didn't understand why I did what I did. I stated that different people date in different ways. I didn't reach the point where I was sure about what I thought could come of him and I as quickly as he did. He still didn't understand. Finally I said that I didn't know how to help him understand.
When we got home, I took a shower, and was getting ready for either bed or a lengthy conversation. I wasn't sure which was coming. He packed up his things while I was in the shower, and once I got out, he left for a friend's place. He stated that he was confused, and didn't know what to do. I said that I can understand where he was coming from, but that we obviously didn't operate on the same premises during the beginning of things.
He left saying that he'd call me later.
I haven't heard from him in two days.
Today he "unfriended" me on myspace.
I guess that's that.
So which is it? (a), (b), or (c)?
I choose (c), with a tiny bit of (a) in there. I mean, I share in the blame due to the fact that apparently he didn't know that I was hanging around with a couple of other people at the beginning of our whatever. Also, I didn't realize that he was so interested in an "insta-relationship." However, to have certain expectations of someone without discussing them with that person, and then being upset that they weren't adhered to is unreasonable. And a little immature.
a) the immaturity of Person A.
b) the whore-ocity of Person B.
c) the lack of communication between Persons A and B about certain expectations.
I shall explain.
Most of you are aware that over the past couple of weeks I had started to get a little serious about a new guy. After a couple of rebound things that never really seemed to truly excite or interest me, hanging around with a couple other people over the past couple of months, and doing some general kind of just looking around, this really cute, sweet guy came into focus. There was only one challenge. He doesn't live in Austin. He lives in San Antonio.
Well, SA is close enough to visit frequently, while being far enough away for me to enjoy some space at the front end of whatever it is that we were trying to do. The past several weeks have been filled with him coming up into Austin for the weekend, us meeting half-way between cities for dinners, and so forth. It's been a fun time getting to know this guy, seeing how we click, and figuring out how things might work out.
Fast-forward to this past Saturday night. New-boy and I, along with my good friend Kevin, were out and about on the town, drinking and generally having a good time. As the night grew later, talks of going home vs after hours began. Kevin, through a series of interesting events, ended up heading back to my place and staying there.
New-boy (NB) and I ended up deciding to go to a after hours party with various people. The way it worked out, he ended up riding with someone else while I dealt with Kevin's "interesting events," after which I met up with NB at the first destination. Once I got there, he confronted me with some news he had just heard.
Basically, some guy I had messed around with a few weeks ago told NB about it. So, NB asked me for confirmation. I confirmed the story, as I don't really have any secrets in my sex life. He was not pleased.
"Why would you do that? Are you a sex addict?"
WTF!?!?!?!?
"Uh..." I hear myself begin. "No. I'm not. I'm a guy. And why did I do it? Cuz I wanted to?"
He stormed away. I had to basically run after him in order to get him to talk to me.
The conversation basically boils down to a couple of talking points.
1) I obviously can't keep my dick in my pants.
2) He never thought about messing around with anyone else once he met me.
3) I apparently didn't reach that conclusion at the same pace that he did.
4) I wasn't completely truthful in detailing what was happening with me when we started seeing eachother.
5) I was seeing/hanging around with a couple of guys when I met NB. All of which have disappeared as NB came to the foreground.
6) Because of #4, I can't be trusted. Ever.
7) Because NB's ex-bf cheated on him, this makes what I did so much worse.
8) I didn't know #7 until about a week ago.
9) Expectations of exclusivity weren't discussed. In fact, I stated early on (actually about the time the incident in question happened) that any type of statement relating to expectations of the other was a bit premature, considering that we had just met.
We finished our time at the after hours party. He seemed to talk to a bunch of people, and when I would come by, it would be obvious that I should go elsewhere. Subtle.
Finally, I said it was time to go home. I didn't know if he wanted to ride with me, but he needed to get back to my house somehow. He rode with me. The ride back home was very quiet. He stated that he didn't understand why I did what I did. I stated that different people date in different ways. I didn't reach the point where I was sure about what I thought could come of him and I as quickly as he did. He still didn't understand. Finally I said that I didn't know how to help him understand.
When we got home, I took a shower, and was getting ready for either bed or a lengthy conversation. I wasn't sure which was coming. He packed up his things while I was in the shower, and once I got out, he left for a friend's place. He stated that he was confused, and didn't know what to do. I said that I can understand where he was coming from, but that we obviously didn't operate on the same premises during the beginning of things.
He left saying that he'd call me later.
I haven't heard from him in two days.
Today he "unfriended" me on myspace.
I guess that's that.
So which is it? (a), (b), or (c)?
I choose (c), with a tiny bit of (a) in there. I mean, I share in the blame due to the fact that apparently he didn't know that I was hanging around with a couple of other people at the beginning of our whatever. Also, I didn't realize that he was so interested in an "insta-relationship." However, to have certain expectations of someone without discussing them with that person, and then being upset that they weren't adhered to is unreasonable. And a little immature.
