On Trojan Horses

"Experience teaches us to be cautious of people and Trojan horses."

Fuck that.  Caution may save one from a lot of trouble at times, but it often also means missed opportunities.  Opportunities that can lead to something great and wonderful. 

Pronoia.  The opposite of paranoia.  The world, the universe, all of creation is conspiring to help people achieve their goals, dreams, and desires.  With a positive attitude and a belief in pronoia, one can experience great things.

Hold your breath.  Make a wish.  Count to three.

On Falling

I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings. I was finishing a set in my lower body workout and truly getting fatigued. I went to step off the machine and grab a drink of water and take my rest before the next set. Well, in stepping off the platform of the machine, my right foot stepped on my shoelaces of my left shoe which came untied. In the trying to lift my left foot, which was stuck as it's laces were under my right foot, I lunged forward, lifted my right foot which struck the post supporting the platform causing me to spin around and fall backwards off of the workot machine and land firmly on my ass, legs flailing in the air. Luckily, no one was around to see my awkward clumsiness. I quickly sprang up, dusted myself off, and put myself back together for my next set as if nothing happened.

As someone very dear to me said once, "Cary, you fall a lot." Well duh!!!!

Where's my Kevlar body suit?

On Peace of Mind

Fear and distrust arise due to a selfish attitude and other negative mental states. A selfish attitude creates fear and insecurity, which in turn creates distrust. However, an altruistic attitude brings a great sense of happiness and peace of mind. The greater our peace of mind, the more peaceful and stable the atmosphere around us. These are the qualities of the Buddha, and through the awakening mind, compassion is foremost in the actions we can take to aleve the suffering of others and in so doing, ourselves. - His Holiness the Dalai Lama the XIV

Monday. 3 am.

Monday. 3 am. Once again I'm wide awake, waiting on this part of me to mend. This part that keeps on breaking. I hope for sleep. I hope for peaceful dreams. I hope for understanding of why things happen as they do.

I've put away my clothes, leaving room in my closet for things that won't be coming back. I've cleaned my bathroom, allowing space on the counter for the items of another that just make it look empty.

I lie in bed, curled up with too many pillows and ponder the "what ifs." The "why nots." The "how coulds." Even the "maybes."

Monday. 3 am. Sleep, I beg of you... But I know you won't come.