I recently got back from a trip to San Francisco, CA for the wedding of a very dear friend of mine. Throughout the weekend of events I realized that it wasn't simply the wedding of a good friend, but the coming together of two communities of people. Not just two families celebrating the union of their son and their daughter, but also the communities from which these two people are active and committed members. What really made me realize this joining of communities was the role that all the guests present for the wedding weekend played in making it a reality. From checking in guests and assigning them to the appropriate retreat houses to preparing and cleaning up after meals to leading a yoga practice to officiating at the wedding to decorating the reception hall to... The list can go on and on and on. But in the end, the people there for the wedding helped ensure that the wedding happened with as few hiccups as possible. And were there to "troubleshoot" and fix any problems that happened to arise.
And this got me to thinking about relationships within the context of community. For not only is the relationship of two people something between those two people, but also of the communities from which they come. The communities can be large and complex or just a small, close-knit friend group. But it is important that those two groups come together and support the love, compassion, and passion of their members, for those two people are representing the shared values and beliefs of the communities. Communities are the result of the people that make them up and the people are in turn impacted by the communities they build and the people with which they choose to associate.
It makes me think of the importance of maintaining openness and honesty within one's relationship with one's partner, but extending that communication to those from one's community. For while we each will hold our partners to the agreed-upon standards of the relationship and will love and support our partners during times of struggle to facilitate growth, it truly does take a village. If those in our community don't know what is going on with one of their members, how can they help out in times of need?
I know friends that like to keep various aspects of their relationship private from their friends - to hold back those details of internal strife and struggle that arise now and then within all relationships, intimate or not. And that makes me wonder how true growth can happen for if one only hears one's own voice while processing things, only one point of view is being considered. For true growth to occur, many different points of view and ways of dealing with things should be considered. Or at least heard. And who better to offer support and advice than those people most close to one's heart - the people of one's community.
At the end of the day, I know that my dear friend and his partner are well-supported and loved within their communities. And I know that their ability to communicate, seek advice, and process things will enable them to nurture and grow their relationship, their love, their connection, and the connection of their two communities. For no person is an island and it really does take a village.
2 comments:
Beautiful thought. As I sit here tonight in this very foreign land, far from anything familiar much less my community, I'm struck by how important community is to me. It gave me context for things that here seem so strange, things that I do and believe, things that now make me foreign when they used to keep me connected.
Nice post.
What a lovely post! I think that you're definitely on to something. It can be challenging sometimes to share relationship strife when both partner's communities overlap a lot, but ultimately, I do believe that relationships that happen in the context of a community have an opportunity for support that isn't there for a more isolated couple.
It also makes me think of smaller towns where you have the double-edged sword of eeryone knowing what's going on :-)
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