Location: Ellysium - 80s Night
Time: 1:00am
Music: Michael Jackson - Thriller
I'm on the dancefloor (yes, shock that it is) attempting to do my best "Thriller" moves, but the dancefloor is so crowded I can't really get in any convincing zombie dance moves. (Sidenote: I can do some great Thriller dance moves. My eldest brother made me learn the moves with him when the video first came out.) Red Shirt (some new guy I'm seeing) is outdoing me greatly.
We exit the danefloor shortly after the song ends and make our way to some new friends hanging out by the air conditioner. I swear, I would have thought hanging out by the cool breezes of the air conditioner would be more popular, but the area in front of it was always vacant everytime I left the dancefloor. We chat for a few minutes, and the he turns to me.
"I think I'm done with the 80s for tonight. You ready to go?" "Sure," I respond, and we make our way outside. We're rather touchy-feely as we're walking back to his car. My legs are killing me (workout the day before, running earlier today, moderate time on the dancefloor tonight), and he decides to help me up the hill by letting me lean on him. He's got a tight and strong body, even if he is only 5'9" in height. "Why am I being so touchy tonight," I begin to ask myself. "I'm not really sure how I feel about him... I don't want to be dishonest and misleading..."
We arrive at his car, and he leans against it, holding my hand and drawing me to him. I lean in for the kiss as he places his hands on my torso, caressingly. He draws me in closer, and I continue to wonder if I'm being dishonest. I'm not sure this is something I can do. I'm not sure he's the person I want do it with, even if I can.
Eventually, the kiss is broken and he asks the question I knew was coming. "What happens now?"
"What happens now is that I go home. It's late."
"And where am I going," he responds as he smiles. I see the glint in his eyes, and the slight tilt of his head is not lost on me.
*sigh* "You're going to your house. It's late. And I'm tired." I chickened out. Why couldn't I tell him the truth. That it's gonna take me some time before anything like that happens, if at all?
He seems ok with my statement, though. He inquires about doing something the next day, as I have the day off from work. I agree to some tentative outdoor plans, and we separate, getting into our respective cars. I watch him as he drives away, wondering. Is there no real spark? Or am I unable to perceive it if it is, in fact, there.
"Dude, you're fucking hot. But... I don't hook-up."
Those words were uttered by me. Yes, me.
Ok... stop laughing. Really.
True, he was a little aggressive in trying to get at my goods, but that wasn't the only reason why I turned him down. Let me run through the numbers.
1) Hot. Dude was fucking *smoking*
2) Out-of-towner. Always a good thing. There's no real "call me later" thing going on.
3) Very aggressive. As in, "dude, you're really hot. Do you live nearby? I'd really like to see your place." Oh come on now... can't you be just a little smoother?
4) Bad kisser. The kiss kinda surprised me. We were getting up to head inside from the patio, and he leaned in as I was standing. Perhaps it was the angle. Perhaps I never let him get into his groove. Whatever the reason, it was not a good experience.
5) But the main reason is that I'm batting this quaint little notion running around in my head. Not having sex unless I'm in an exclusive arrangement.
Tonight I was talking to Jellybean, and I mentioned #5 to him. "What?!?!" was his response. "What in the hell are you thinking?"
"Yeah, I'm not exactly sure, but it's just something I'm thinking about these days."
And that's it. It's just something I'm thinking about these days. Not sure that it'll last, but it's something that is very interesting to me.
I felt the gentle touch on my right arm just as I reached the bar to order another drink. I turn around and saw her, one of Latex's best friends.
"Hey Cary, I thought that was you across the way. How are you?"
I stare at her for a moment, unsure of what is about to happen. Unsure of what exactly I'm supposed to do. Why is she at OCH? Is Latex with her? And she's pregnant... When did this happen?
A pleasant conversation ensues, during which she has this look in her eyes that she's being apologetic for the way that Latex acted at the end of our relationship. I decide not to venture down that road, instead talking about various silly little topics.
"I miss you coming over for dinner," she finally says. "Damn," I think to myself. "I didn't want to head down that path."
"Well, what's done is done. But I do miss those affairs, as well." And from there I steer the conversation elsewhere by introducing her to Shot Guy. On a side note, Shot Guy can talk. So its very easy to avoid any uncomfortable topics by just allowing him to take over the course of the conversation. This was no exception. The plan worked perfectly. For a while.
"So you should give me a call sometime," she eventually says. Once again, I just stare at her for a moment.
"Sweety, I... that's... not something I think I should do. You're one of Latex's best friends, I won't do that to him."
"I'm still gonna give you my number." And with that she grabs a trick card, scribbles her number down, and places the card in my hand. "Call me," she says. "I can have my own friends."
When I get home, I pull the card out of my pocket and place it on the kitchen counter, right next to the stove. I feel the urge to light the stove and burn the card. If Latex were to hang out with one of my best friends, I know how I would feel. I mean, I really don't have any negative feelings towards him, but he made it very clear how things were gonna be between us... non-existent. That's a line that I feel I must respect.
The next morning I'm in the kitchen, preparing some tea when Shot Guy comes in from the bedroom. I'm holding the card in my hand, unsure of what I should do with it. He asks about it, about her, about who she is. I tell him the truth. He takes the card from my hand, rips it up, and throws it in the trash.
