Another ending

It had been almost three days since we had spoken.  The last words we had shared were terse and forceful.  I had tried to calm things down before I left that evening, but he was not responsive.

“Do you really want our first fight to be over this?”

“Fine by me,” was all he said as he stalked into the house and shut down.

I’m not sure which frustrated me more – the fight or his shutting down.  Clue Number 1

To say I was happy to get the call would be an understatement.  I had left a couple of messages, but he had to cool down in his own way.  That was how he handled things.  “Let’s meet for drinks tonight,” he says.  

“Great, I really want to put this whole thing behind us.  I’ll call you after work.  Have a great day, sweety.”

He didn’t respond in kind.  Clue Number 2

When I walked into the restaurant bar, he stood up and hugged me.  “It’s so good to see you,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me.  That warm embrace, the closeness, the feel of his body against mine.  I was sure it was all going to be ok.

But he didn’t kiss me first.  Clue Number 3

“…it sort of clued me in that perhaps we’re moving in different directions…”

“…I wanted to tell you before it went too much further, to respect you and your feelings…”

“…it’s nothing personal, it’s just our feelings for each other are different.”

I felt my shoulders slump.  The din of the bar banged and echoed in the swimming pool that was my head.  My mouth was so dry I couldn’t even swallow.  I looked him square in the eye and saw nothing but concern.

“Oh…” was all I could utter.  I felt the tears pushing at the seams of my eyes, threatening to spill forth.  “Not here, not here, not here” I said to myself over and over again.  He’s talking, but I’m not hearing, I’m just trying to keep myself from crying in the bar.  It was not until I was safe inside my car, about to head over to his house to collect my belongings that it flowed forth.  Like a river cresting at flood stage they streamed, broken only by sobs and heaves.  

A wise man once likened falling in love to a drop of some intoxicating, addictive substance entering your bloodstream.  Once in the blood, it goes straight to the heart.  You feel it once and you want to feel it again.  Always.

I’m not sure when it entered my system with him, but it sure did.  He had once commented that those words were frequently used too loosely.  Said by those that neither understood or truly meant what they stood for.  

Oh sweety…  I know what they mean.  I understand what they mean.  And I spoke the truth.