And... I'm back

Oh hi!! It sure has been a while. There are tons of excuses I could make, but in the end, I just didn't feel like writing for a while. Finding my reset button after the whole Brit Boy situation. Dealing with talking to Kevin for the first time in 4+ years. Getting things all settled for the next big step in my life. It all took a bit of energy.

As you might be able to tell, there are lots of things going on and lots of activities for me to recount. I just hope my writing is is still up to par with what y'all expect from me.

I've also moved the blog from Livejournal to Blogspot. While I've been able to move most of the posts, I kinda fucked it up on transferring the comments. Oh well... I never said I was any good at any of this.

Were you surprised? I was surprised. Really, really surprised.

Well, this is something I never really expected to happen. And I have to say I'm a little... anxious?

I'm meeting Kevin tonight for drinks. Yup, you read that right. Kevin. The Ex. The one I've barely had any contact with for the past 4+ years.

Well, there's some family stuff to be dealt with so he's in town from the East Coast for a bit. I had heard about this and thought it'd be nice to send him a short "I'm thinking of you" email. At the end of which I said, "I'm sure you have lots of loving people around you at this time, but if you need a moment away from that, let me know." Totally not expecting him to accept. Not sure why I put it in there, but I did.

He accepted.

I mean, I'm fine with it. I think. I did offer, right? But I totally didn't expect him to accept. So tonight, we're meeting for a drink and some nibbly bits at an "out-of-the-way" place.

Nervous? Not exactly. Anxious? Maybe a little. I'm just... I dunno. It's been 4+ years and the only time I've spoken to him was one random night when I had been drinking for about eight hours beforehand. And I don't really remember much from it. Perhaps I should do that again. Which means I should start drinking.... now.

Alright, I'm out. Wish me luck!!

This time, I was ready

This Sunday started early. 8am. San Marcos for my scuba certification dives. Then it was over to C's house for a champagne brunch. I have no idea how many bottles of Veuve Clicqot we went through... but DAMN. I got there around 2pm, and by the time Sincerity picked me up at 6:30pm, the counter was littered with bottles. Then it was off to a dinner and drinks. Then off to the bars for even more drinking.

That's when it happened. About eight hours after I started drinking, I saw him. As I posted previously, it's not uncommon for him to be in town visiting family. Whether it was that I truly have let go of all those negative feelings, or perhaps it was the champagne, vodka, and tequila talking, but I walked right up to Kevin and said hello.

We had a nice, amiable chat. About what, I'm not really sure. But it seemed nice and friendly.

Weekend, Part I. I thought I was ready.

I'll admit that I've thought about it. I mean, it was bound to happen eventually. He did live here his entire life before moving away, and he still has a lot of friends here. Not to mention family. I thought I was ready for it. I was wrong.

I ran into Kevin over the weekend.

It happened so quickly. I was walking out of a bar with some friends. As I rounded the corner, there he was, coming in. We made eye contact. I turned my head and continued walking out. Suddenly it all came rushing back. The anger. The confusion. The love.

My friends immediately saw the change in my behavior. We got to another bar, and shots were ordered. Ahhh... the wonders of dulling the senses with alcohol. I get a text. At first I thought it was another friend of mine that I was supposed to be meeting out. It wasn't. It was him.

It was a short and simple message. "yeah... but i hope you're well." My first thought? "What the fuck does 'I don't ever want to talk to you again.' mean to you, fuckhead?!?!?!"

It's odd how things that happen in just a matter of seconds can affect you for such a long time after. The rest of my weekend was under a haze from this. I thought I would be a bit more blase about this. Er... I wanted to be. In the end, I still feel for him.