On First Loves

Dorothy: Oh honey, your first love... You never get over.

Rose: Oh I know! I never got over mine.

Sophia: It was a cow, wasn't it?

Rose: How did you know?!?

Dream a Little Dream

I woke up with a spasm. A jolt. A start. I bolted upright and screamed. The terror that had just been so present in my mind was nowhere to be seen, or even felt, in the darkness that surrounded me. The soft, gentle hum of the air conditioner was the only sound filling the quiet night as I stared blankly around my room. The cold breeze of which gently brushed my naked skin as I tried to remember what had startled me so.

I had been dreaming of... I couldn't remember. Yet it was so vividly unsettling just a moment before. I turned and reached to the other side of the bed out of instinct. The side where... Where there was nothing but an old, unused pillow and memories.

I laid back down and closed my eyes; snippets of the dream, the nightmare, came rushing back. There was taunting. There was screaming. There was yelling. There was rage erupting. There were phrases said... Phrases crafted with the intent to hurt. To injure. To wound the heart and the soul. There was crying. I touched my hand to my cheek and noticed tears trapped in the soft, yet brissly whiskers on my unshaven face. How had I not noticed this before? I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push out these visions. These pictures filling my mind. I felt a tear leak out of my right eye and roll over my nose and face and melt into the pillow.

With eyes still closed, I again reached to the other side of the bed and took hold of the old, unused pillow. I drew it to my heart and wished for sleep.

On Closing Your Eyes

"You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you don't want to feel." -unknown

On Anniversaries

Today, June 3, is the 51st anniversary of my parent's marriage. Or would've been had my dad not died so many years ago. To this day my mom still refers to my father as her soulmate and has never really dated nor remarried. And honestly, I have to admit a bit of jealousy. To have found someone, when she was 21 years old, that she was so devoted to and had such a wonderful and beautiful relationshp with someone is something that I've always aspired to find. But this anniversary isn't about me. This is about celebrating the love, passion, and respect my parents always had for one another. And I hold it all as a bastion of hope for what I may one day find with a man that will love me in the same manner in which I know my mother and my father loved one another for so long. And I know they still do.

On Death

Death is all around us. It happens when one least expects it. And whenever it happens it makes you remember that it is so important to say to your loved ones how much they mean to you no matter how upset you might be with them. Cuz you never know when it might be the last time you ever see this person. Always, always tell them that you love them.