I like to think of myself as a mature, emotionally stable person. Someone who uses logic and reason to move through a situation or a problem. Cuz you know... that's what mature, stable, rational grown-ups do.
(You know... you could at least wait till you finished reading till you started laughing)
Saturday night. I'm out with Kelicious having a few margaritas. Followed by a few more. And just for good measure, a couple more. We were having a great time, hanging out with C, JM, and a venerable cast of characters. I went off to the bathroom, and while standing in a line that seemed to last forever, who should walk up? Shot Guy.
"Oh Cary, I've missed you. How are you?" He snuggled up close to me. Put his arm around my waist.
"I have a boyfriend."
"Oh... When I saw you I was hoping..."
I feel a hand on my crotch.
"...um.. that we could..."
And then he tried to kiss me.
I tactfully declined. Tempted? Sure. Remember all those margaritas? But really... if memory serves me right, it wasn't *that* great.
And then I turned, left the bathroom. "Fuck, fuck fuck!!" went through my head. "Is this what the next several months are gonna be like?" I walked across the patio. Completely bypassed telling Kelicious what I was doing. Made my way through the bar. Got outside. Hailed a cab. And went home.
See. I told you. All the actions of a completely rational, sane, well-adjusted adult.
I felt the gentle touch on my right arm just as I reached the bar to order another drink. I turn around and saw her, one of Latex's best friends.
"Hey Cary, I thought that was you across the way. How are you?"
I stare at her for a moment, unsure of what is about to happen. Unsure of what exactly I'm supposed to do. Why is she at OCH? Is Latex with her? And she's pregnant... When did this happen?
A pleasant conversation ensues, during which she has this look in her eyes that she's being apologetic for the way that Latex acted at the end of our relationship. I decide not to venture down that road, instead talking about various silly little topics.
"I miss you coming over for dinner," she finally says. "Damn," I think to myself. "I didn't want to head down that path."
"Well, what's done is done. But I do miss those affairs, as well." And from there I steer the conversation elsewhere by introducing her to Shot Guy. On a side note, Shot Guy can talk. So its very easy to avoid any uncomfortable topics by just allowing him to take over the course of the conversation. This was no exception. The plan worked perfectly. For a while.
"So you should give me a call sometime," she eventually says. Once again, I just stare at her for a moment.
"Sweety, I... that's... not something I think I should do. You're one of Latex's best friends, I won't do that to him."
"I'm still gonna give you my number." And with that she grabs a trick card, scribbles her number down, and places the card in my hand. "Call me," she says. "I can have my own friends."
When I get home, I pull the card out of my pocket and place it on the kitchen counter, right next to the stove. I feel the urge to light the stove and burn the card. If Latex were to hang out with one of my best friends, I know how I would feel. I mean, I really don't have any negative feelings towards him, but he made it very clear how things were gonna be between us... non-existent. That's a line that I feel I must respect.
The next morning I'm in the kitchen, preparing some tea when Shot Guy comes in from the bedroom. I'm holding the card in my hand, unsure of what I should do with it. He asks about it, about her, about who she is. I tell him the truth. He takes the card from my hand, rips it up, and throws it in the trash.
I was paid a surprise visit by a couple of Corpus Christi boys last weekend. Just finishing classes for the semester, they decided to travel around Texas visiting friends. Little did they know that I was so busy with work that I hardly had any time to visit. I ended up meeting up with them when I left the office around 1:00am or so and had a couple of drinks before going home to pass out.
Saturday night was a little different. Work actually slowed up a little so I was able to head to a party with Bartender Boy and have a generally good time before heading home to chat with the boys once they got home from yet another night on the town. (Note: A better name has been thought up for Bartender Boy. He shall now be referred to as Shot Guy, as it was such a short, yet potent, affair). So, Shot Guy and I head to bed and he quickly falls asleep. He has this *uncanny* ability to pass out within minutes of his head touching the pillow. No matter. I can't sleep. So I head to the living room to watch some tv and there's one of the Corpus boys on my laptop. I assume he's just checking his e'mail or surfing or something.
"Hey man, can't sleep?" I ask. He quickly and nervously closes my laptop and moves towards the guest room.
"Uh... just looking at some pictures. Goodnight." And he hurriedly leaves the room. I'm intrigued. I turn on the tv, head to BBC Worldnews, and grab my laptop to see exactly what pics he was viewing.
The screen comes to life. iPhoto is open. And filling almost the entire screen is a pic of me taken during a certain desert yoga photo shoot . I smile and laugh.
It was a simple action. A series of movements that brought him closer to me. His body was soon pressing against mine as he leaned in and kissed me. I had to admit that I was a little surprised as he had previously stated his inability to pursue something. "It'd be like bringing an 800lb gorilla onto a sinking raft. My life is just not all that stable right now," he tearfully said one night.
I understood. In fact I wasn't all that sure I was in a place to pursue anything either. I had already almost called him Latex on more than one occasion (thankfully, not in *that* situation).
But as long as I was having fun, I was fine with things as they were. There was no need to define or label what we were doing. We were hanging out, having a few drinks, having a good time just being with one another. Did I say a few drinks? Maybe more than that... cuz this is Bartender Boy. Yes, he's a bartender.
After the kiss I looked at him rather quizically. I looked into his eyes and saw sincerity. "Damn," I said to myself. "Why does he have to be so cute."
And that's how I was drawn in. Cute, baby-doe eyes. I'm a sucker... no, I'm a gonner... for cute, baby-doe eyes.
But as quickly as it began, it ended. He was acting strange when I picked him up for dinner. He held my hand for a moment and looked down.
"You can't do this, can you?" I asked. "Not even as casual as we are..."
"It's not that I don't want to..." he started, but I stopped him. "I know," I said. "I can see the attraction in your eyes. But you're troubled. You're not in a space to give freely of yourself, and I understand."
He laughed. "Why can't you be a jerk about this? It'd make it so much easier for me."
And then it was my turn to take that simple action. To make that series of movements that brought my body closer to his. I held him close and kissed him gently.
